Rev. Douchebag

So I have returned, like the swallows to Capistrano, to Colorado. Here in my birthland I will recharge, drawing on the energies of the earth. For I am no ordinary man, I was born on a lay-line that transmits the lifeforce of Mother Gaia to me, I must return once every Lunar Year to absorb this power and sustain my vitality. With such power I have been subtley influencing events and shaping my plan for the day--not long off--when I shall reveal my masterful craft to the world and BLOW YOUR MIND.

Alright, so none of that is true. In fact, it's all superstitious and self-indulgent nonsense that I have made up using some magic sounding words to suit my own desires. This leads me to my point: Pat Robertson is a douchebag. So he's called for the assassination of Hugo Chavez, the President of Venezuela, 'cause he won't give us our oil. Or rather, he will give us our oil, but he won't lick our toes for the priviledge of giving us our oil. And I say our oil because in the world of men (or rather man-shaped douchebags) like Robertson it is ours. You see, God put the oil in the ground so that we could extract it and fuel our Ford Expeditions. Ford Expeditions full of Jesus! That this brown heathen is not rendering unto Caesar that which is Caesar's is, in the eyes of Rev. Douchebag, a capital offense. For, verily, the heavens themselves do turn so that white people in America may get Dakota and Trevor to soccer practice. Hast thou sounded the depths of the void? Well, it seems Pat has.

But here's the big picture: This is par for the course. Not because of religion and religious figures' truely ghastly records, and not because guys like Robertson are prone to this sort of ignorant talk. No this is par for the course because we now live in Gitmo America. The brutality of war, the brutality of a criminal justice system gone amok, is spilling out into the realms of our civil life that once harboured no outright brutality. This is to be expected, and no, it's not because of Grand Theft Auto--the people that are the most brutal are the ones most agast at violent video games and rap lyrics. It is acceptable discourse in this country to threaten protestors and openly denounce your fellow Americans for inoccous things like being gay, or a feminist. Because the world is--and I didn't know this--all fucked up because of Mary Wollstonecraft. And I'm not talking about guys in a bar talking big with their buddies about how their wife doesn't wear the pants (even though, lets face it, she does and that's why they are hiding out in a bar to pretend to be big masculine men instead of loving husbands). I'm talking about Congressmen and Clergy and Pundits on the teevee.

So Pat Robertson wants to assassinate the democratically elected leader of a sovereign nation because his politics aren't right with Robertson's. This is how empires fall: it starts with messianism, then douchebaggery, and it ends with kitsch. Pat Robertson just found a way to do it all at once.