Oh, Brangelina, I know you just wanted to help, but we need to talk...

This is Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. They are both very famous actors and very, very pretty. More famous and better looking than you are or ever will be. It doesn't hurt that they, unlike many of their Hollywood bretheren actually make some pretty good movies from time to time. I like both of them, they don't seem to suck too much. Here's the problem. Do you know where they are in this picture? Dining amongst the fabulous at Le Cirque? Looking over dailies on their newest movie? Hell, are they waiting to get picked up at the airport after jetting off for a romantic get away? No, they are in Davos, Switzerland at the World Economic Forum. Every year academics, policy makers, CEOs, and other global muckity-mucks congregate in this alpine resort to hash out the issues of the day and exchange ideas about the direction the world should take in the coming year. They scmooze, they booze, they attend conferences. This is as close to conspiracy theory like Tri-Lateral commission stuff as actually ever happens in the real world. But in recent years, celebreties have been showing up. It started with Richard Gere tagging along with the Dalai Lama, then pretty soon Sharon Stone (who while, by accounts is very, very smart, is also batshit insane) is asking questions at the AIDS crisis panel. Now we get Brad and Angelina (or Brangelina as they have been dubbed). Sitting around and looking all serious.
I am perfectly willing to believe that they are serious and well informed, and I'm perfectly aware of the fact that Angelina has, admirably, used her celebrity largely to do good works. But this trend bothers me. Celebrity causes are all well and good...I mean would you tell a plumber that he can't hold any political opinions just 'cause he's a plumber? No, then neither should you tell an actor the same thing. Bono seems to be serious about his stuff too, not just a dilletante. But what worries me is when celebrities start parlaying their star power into policy clout. Should Brangelina totally speak out against land mines and do good will tours for the UN, if only to raise awairness? Hell yes they should. Let's start making some reasonable engagement with the world a prerequisition to world-wide celebrity. That will start thining the herds of sickly cattle not ready for market: I'm looking at you Hilton sisters. But should celebrities actually demand to be heard over the voices of the serious government, univeristy and NGO people that have devoted their lives to an intricate understanding and commitment to the issue at hand? No. If Angelina Jolie want's to be that, then she's really gonna have to stop making movies because you can't do both. Just like the plumber should be allowed to speak his mind about whatever he wants, I don't actually want him deciding healthcare policy; I mean, damn, I don't want half the people deciding healthcare policy to be deciding healthcare policy.
Otherwise you end up with some of the less, uh, serious (i.e, outright rediculous) spectacles like Sean Penn going to Iraq and writing his silly columns back to the San Francisco Chronicle (who's editor used to be married to Sharon Stone). Do me and Sean Penn probably share a similar basic outlook (negative) on the Iraq war? Yeah. But do either of us really know shit about it? Nope. This is one of the many reasons that major newspapers have yet to offer me a column on Iraq.
And dont' think that the bad-guys in all of this--the one's who started the Iraq for dumb-ass ideological reasons, and the one's that go to Davos to be seen themselves, but never listen to any of the serious policy proposals because they're too busy bathing in piles of money wrung from the desicated bodies of puppies and orphans--don't think that they don't love it when The Brangelinas and Sean Penns (Seans Penn?) stick their perfect widdle noses into this stuff, because it distracts from the serious work of de-fucking the planet. Henry Kissenger get's a big fat smile on his face everytime he sees Sharon Stone at one of these things, because he knows the cameras are on her (and because he's a lech and she's hot) and not him, and the discussion of why the US doesn't join the International Criminal Court will be put off another day (and coincidentally, Henry Kissenger will not be halled away to Holland for the secret bombing of Cambodia).
Look, it takes a bit of an ego to be a famous actor. You have to have that sense of self to really sell the part, right? That's not the worst thing in the world, to be so self confident that you will do a bunch of interesting shit in front of millions of people. That confidence is one of the things that makes us all stare at them with our free time. But when Brad Pitt shows up to Davos, the story becomes Brad Pitt, and it's no longer starving children in Thailand, or the youth of Iran. That is really crappy outcome, so I'm going to need celebrities to stay the hell away from Iraq, and Davos, and such. Again, goodwill tours? Great idea, because then the celebrity status is working for the cause (this actually was Princess Diana's particular genius). But until the celebrities accept a fellowship, or do some graduate work, or maye just take a few years off to unobtrusively volunteer, we are all going to need celebrities to shut the fuck up. And maybe give a million dollars to charity.