Codex Ivstianvs

Why, hello. Fancy seeing you here.

Emperor tropique du cancer toucan beak

Friday, September 30, 2005

Avast! The dolphins are not fooling around.


So, the delphinic menace has sent cephalopod shock troops in advance of their invasion force. Let me break this down for you: giant squid attack and defeat sperm whales. Just look to the left. Do you see? Do you see why you should fear?
We are all lucky that squid didn't just climb up the god damn fishing line and get a good look at who was fucking with him. When the dolphins return to the surface-world and reclaim their birth right as masters of this globe will they be riding on the backs of super intelligent squid, flanked with chameleonic octopi who have been hiding among us, gathering intelligence, for decades? Only time will tell. I would just like to state for the record--ahem--that I do not like calimari, and have never countenanced the consumption of cuttlefish or squid of any kind.


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Wednesday, September 28, 2005

I am a troll, you may trapse over my bridge at your own peril.

My apartment is a basement apartment. It is cool in the warm times and warm in the cool times, it is inexpensive and it has a cool layout (arched doorways!). But it is a basement apartment and if I go to bed at 11 hoping to wake up at 8:00 am (see, I'm even giving myslef 9 hours) I tend to role out of bed at closer to 10:30. In fact today, I slept right through my alarm and woke up at 1:00. You see, there is no natural light and it is dark in my bedroom all the time and the whole "daytime" thing never registers with my body. My internal clock is all out wack. I get tired at 4pm and I'm not tired at 3 am, but I do want to be in bed at 10pm and 10am. So--unless I want to both sleep through my last year of law school (actually, not a bad idea) and get rickets, I need to simulate some sun here. So I'm off to Home Depot to purchase light bulb, lamp, and timer switch. The better to create a sun for myself. Some people would think of this as a hassle. I prefer to think of it as playing God.


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Monday, September 26, 2005

It has begun!

So, the dolphins have made the first move in our little game for survival, eh? When the finned menace reaches our shores, there will be no stopping them.
Armed dolphins, trained by the US military to shoot terrorists and pinpoint
spies underwater, may be missing in the Gulf of Mexico.
Experts who have studied the US navy's cetacean training exercises claim the 36 mammals could be carrying 'toxic dart' guns. Divers and surfers risk attack, they claim, from a species considered to be among the planet's smartest. The US navy
admits it has been training dolphins for military purposes, but has refused
to confirm that any are missing.

Plus, I hear that they now have opposable thumbs. Opposable thumbs and dastardly plans!


Between the superintelligent brains and the advanced armament systems...well I for one would like to welcome our new dolphin overlords and remind them that I can be of use in convincing my fellow Surface Dwellers to labor in their underwater kelp fields. Also, I buy the safe tuna. Just throwing that out there.


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Sunday, September 25, 2005

The Unjustifiably Obscure Dead



Today: Rosalind Franklin.
Dr. Franklin was the Cambrdge-educated x-ray crystalographer whose pioneering work in molecular chemistry lead directly to Watson and Crick's discovery of DNA. She, however, was a woman, who didn't dress up all perty and it was London and it was 1953. Indeed, she was not allowed to dine in the faculty club at the King's College London where she was working and was a professor. And there is some speculation that her own research partner, one Wilkins, ratted out her progress to Watson and Crick--at the very least she was treated as a pariah. Watson's own publisher made him remove some of the nastier references to her in his memoir--though her only apparent sin seems to have been her sex and her brilliance.
All those years of working with x-rays resulted in her death from ovarian cancer in 1958. She was only 38 years old. In 1962 the Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine went to Watson, Crick, and Wilkins for the discovery of DNA, though they couldn't have done it without her. She was not elligible, the Nobel is not awarded posthumously.


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Oh, the things I've heard!

In updating your music collection I would have you take under consideration two albums in particular. Well, one EP and an album. It's nothing to experimental, nothing to "out there". In fact its Florida swamp by way of Arizona desert folk and some Brooklyn by way of Minneapolis and Boston College bar rock. The first is the new collaboration between Iron & Wine and Calexico: a 7 song EP called In the Reins. And it is glorious. Iron and wine seems to take the lead here, there are none of Calexico's trademarks: dub electronica and mariachi. But the sweeping gradiosity of Calexico, the vision is there as a perfect compliment to whispering intimate folk that Iron & Wine is known for. They should do this again. And again. I'd be like a music nerd neo-folk supergroup the likes of which no man has dared to dream before. You shall no there evocative power and your dreams will be haunted with muted sunsets and rain on windows and shit like that.
The Second is from The Hold Steady. Called "Separation Sunday", it's shambling bar rock for the Williamsburg set. It has the sort of guitar riffs that music reviews inevitable describe as muscular; and yet, there's a little punk attitude, a little snottiness. But it's odd in the strange rambling lyrics about--I don't know, but one of the songs is called Charlemagne In Sweatpants and I don't know if he is a Frankish King or a neighborhood pimp. It's great. The lead singer apparently got a good Jesuit education at BC and Catholic imagery pops up everywhere, as in song titles like "How a Resurection Really Feels". But it seems that The Hold Steady, or at least Finn, the lead singer, is a member in good standing to that most august of groups whose society is comprised of the finest artists, poets, and thinkers of the modern age (to which I myself belong): the lapsed Catholic. (Alright, agnostic Jews and devout Catholics might be giving us a run for our money--but come on: Picasso, Fitzgerald, Scorcese). So don't worry about this being, y'know, Jesus Rock. If it were Jesus Rock I would not recommend it. I hold no truck with Jesus Rock because Jesus doesn't rock--never has--and to represent otherwise is just totally bogus (and, let's face it, a little creepy). But The Hold Steady does rock. And the weird urban shuffle that dominates the rhythm section is a welcome respite from the country-fried Allman Bros./Lynyrd Skynyrd thing that dominates today in the realm of real rockin' (such as it is). Not to dis' Skynyrd--just saying. The Hold Steady is, I guess the best way I can put it is: a punk band that stop taking drugs and started drinking.


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Friday, September 23, 2005

Before I forget

Saw Sigur Ros on Tuesday evening. Just wanted to mention that it was the best single show I've ever been to. Ever


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Thursday, September 22, 2005

Why President Bush is an (Accidental) Homeric Bard

Oh, yes, the president is the latest in a long line of men whose function through out history is to guide us, to lead not our swords but our minds, to make light what was dark, to illumine the very recesses of our souls and our humanity. The first--that we know of--was Homer himself, the original poet. From him to all others. But the epos, his particular form, held for Homer something of a stock palette, from which he was obliged to make his pictures in our minds. The epic poems were originally recited in the halls of one of the great cheiftains of the Aegean--in Thebes, or Sparta, Athens, or Corinth, on Crete or in Lydia, in Thrace or Cappadocia--and they were were spontaneous. The story was the same, a tale of heroes and gods, this famous battle or that explanatory myth, but the details had to be sung out anew each time, and the meter had to be kept--the epics were paratactic. There are certain epic conventions and stock phrases that can be recited and stiched together so that the bard might keep the story moving when there isn't much to say until the next battle. That is exactly where the president comes in.

You see, for many of Homer's, the president has his own stock phrases.

Homer used to say certian descriptive things consistently until they became cliches like "rosy-fingered dawn" and "wine-dark sea" They are still among the most wonderful descriptive phrases ever penned and are used often to set the scene. President Bush never says anything without invoking 9/11 or the "War on Terror" or explaining that "they hate our freedom". In the Homeric tradition one refers to the "Argives of the long grieves" or the "Trojans, breakers of horses" these simple identifiers keep the meter and make the description of essentially simplistic divisions more interesting. The President has his own: "Evil-doers" and "nay-sayers" 9the later for his political enemies) come to mind. Homer had the great description of Achilles' Sheild--another epic convention, where in the description of a pivotal object becomes an allegorical story in itself. The President--well he's never described much of anything, so we're giving this one to Homer. But the epic always had intervention from the gods, which is apparently what Bush thinks is going to save us all, literally. Homer has his famous list of ships and men that come to Troy, or the list of men that Odysseus meets in the underworld--the president has his own epic list for the "evil-doers": "They've killed in Madrid, and Istanbul, and Baghdad, and Bali, and London, and Sharm el-Sheikh, and Jerusalem, and Tel Aviv." And where Homer would give appropriate little pseudonyms to his heroes like "Death-dealing Achilles", George Bush gives nick names to his heroes, like "Brownie" who does "A heck of a job".

Virgil wrote the first mock epic, but Bush is the first mockery of an epic poet. The bard used these conventions in the interests of both formalism and because they are essentially filler. The President just doen't have anything else to say. If Homer had eyes to see, he would surely weep. The gods, as always, just sneer.


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Saturday, September 17, 2005

Joke Time

A guy walks into a bar with a duck on his head. He walks up to the bar and orders a drink. The bartender looks at him kind of funny, but he gets the man his drink. The guy pays, downs his drink and orders another. The bartender looks at him kind of funny and decides to say something. So the bartender asks the guy,"What's with the duck?" The guy looks at the bartender and exploits and unprecendented national disaster to push through a bunch of conservative social policies that couldn't find real support the first time around (because they are horrible ideas) including the repeal of federal regulations that would guarantee competitive wages at a time when people need that sort of fiscal security most and the possibility that the children caught up in all of this may not be given access to public schooling while a voucher system is rapidly put in place to ensure that those who want sectarian education will get it--all in a cynical attempt to force Democrats into opposing such horrible ideas and look like they are against disaster relief so that the Republicans can hammer them with the issue in '06.

Man, I'll tell you what, those classics still work no matter how many times you hear them.
Remember when opposing the shitty make up of the DHS (the dividends of which we are reaping now) and not the DHS itself back in '02 made you anti national security? Boy that was a side splitter too.


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Monday, September 05, 2005

Two Things

1.) Fuck this. I hope someone gets punched in gut, and you know damn well who it should be, but it won't be him, the bastard.

2.) It's Labor Day. Solidarity, bitches.


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Alexandria

Other people are better at this than I am. Other people are more knowledgable. And I highly recommend both talkingpointsmemo.com and TPMCafe.com for the lowdown and the inexcusible behavior of the feds.

What is particularly tragic about this disaster on the Gulf Coast (other than the obvious loss of lives, livelihoods, and entire towns; and the embarassing, troubling fact that apparently evacuating a major American city after a disaster is beyond or ken) is what New Orleans is, what it represents, and the deluge of that with sewage. New Orleans is the literal embodiment of everything we are supposed to be as a nation. It is one of the rarest of cities, that sort of community that grows up to be a truely diverse and vibrant multiculti, racially mixed, socially and culturally alive place. New Orleans has become so culturally self sufficient and influential that it shows the path to cities many times its size and it becomes an identity unto itself--outside of traditional boundaries.

I can think of almost no other places that have ever had such a cultural legacy. The only one that spring immediately to mind is Alexandria. Alexandria too was a port city, at the mouth of the greatest river on its continent, built by colonizers foreign to the soil it was built on, and ultimately THE cultural force of its heyday. Jews, gentiles, Greeks, Egyptians, Romans, the Library, the first Greek translation of the Bible, the competition with Rome for the center of the early Church, the control of all that Nile produce that fed empires, the transmission of the Greek and Roman writers to the Arabs who reindruced them to Europe...much of what we call Western Civilization is Alexandria's doing. We might call it Classical and mean Athens or Rome, or Constantinople, but it was Alexandria that had learning and art above other cities at the end of the day, before the light went out.

And with New Orleans. The music, the food, the language, the architecture, the history, much of what we call American is, in fact, New Orleanian. They invented jazz for God's sake--and make no mistake, it was for His sake, the old guy didn't have anything to dance to up in heaven but harp music, why do you think they play it at funerals down there? Because that way the departed can carry a new tune to heaven, angels don't play horn for shit. Just as Alexandria re-taught the children of Greece and Rome who Pythagoras and Aristotle were, New Orleans retaught the children of Europe what the piano and the trupet were for. And it wasn't Wagner. It was a deeply religious town, with more weeping Jesuses and beatific Marys per square foot than you could care to imagine, but once a year they ate and drank and danced and sinned to put the rest of the wide world to shame. A New Orleanian could sit in a Viking hall and still be sober and unsated enough to complain about the poverty of the sauces with the mutton when the morning came. People think that New York or California lead the way, but those cities all have NOLA to thank, for the music, the glamour, the style, the glitz, the theme bars.

So that's what makes this worse than it could have been, that is was New Orleans that has been flooded. I don't wish it upon any other city, really, I just wish it had not happened there--in our Alexandria.


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