Things of note

I'm behind on the fictional characters thing, but I want to note two things. One happy, one sad.

1. Sad: Naguib Mahfouz died. I liked him. On account of the excellent writing. Seriously, read Palace Walk or Ahkenaton, Dweller in Truth. It's like Dickens meets Marquez.
   
2. Happy: I saw Little Miss Sunshine and it's now one of my very favorite movies.
   

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Pre-FCWWBDNITHBR hype.

So in the slow-to-start-yet-on-going project of FCWWBDNITHBR I have decided to up the ante, both personally and for you, the reader. Sometime in the next few days (hopefully tomorrow) I will tackle a two-fer: Moby Dick and The Judge. I couldn't find a good way to write about them seperately, so I'm doing 'em 'agither. Plus, that makes a Herman Melville double-header thus absolving me of examining his other characters for a vary long time. Also, if you haven't, go ahead and read Moby-Dick and Blood Meridian in the next few days.

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Truly I am in the presence of genius. Vampire genius.

Do you know what the greatest movie of the 1980s was? No? Let me drop some knowledge on you. It's called Lost Boys, and it rules. A gang of vampires terrorizes a California town and tries to take out Corey Haim's brother, Jason Patric. And Keifer Sutherland is hardcore as head vampire. It was on TV tonight and I was reminded of the numerous things that make it awesome:

• It features both Coreys. Haim and Feldman. I've always been a Feldman man myself. And he does a excellent turn as a vampire-hunting teenager.
• I've said it before and I'll say it again: It is Keifer Sutherland's finest work. Hands-goddam-down. He's a heavy-metal vampire. Can you name one thing cooler than that. I didn't think so.
• It's rumored that Joss Wheedon took a lot of his vampire mythology and inspiration for Buffy from this movie. Ironically, Keifer's father, Donald was in the movie version of Buffy, and he sucked, despite his son's kick-ass performance in this movie. Apparently only a chosen few can be good in vampire movies. Oh those few, those lucky few.
  
• Excellent television character actors that have major roles in Lost Boys: That female DA that only lasted one season on "Law & Order," Dianne West; the ornery grandfather from "Blossom," Barnard Hughes (here playing an ornery, vampire-killing grandfather); the grandfather from "The Gilmore Girls" and History Channel voice-over artist extraordinaire, Edward Herrmann.
• Bill, from Bill and Ted is a vampire--Keifer's sidekick in fact.
• The vampires attack some dudes around a bonfire whilst listening to Aerosmith, and it's sweet.
  
• It's the only movie Jason Patric has ever been good in (and he's not that good in this).

I ask you, can you deny the pwer of Lost Boys to shape your very soul. No, no you cannot. Word. Lost Boys like a motherfucker.

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Fictional Characters Who Would Be Dead Now If They Had Been Real.

The very first FCWWBDNITHBR (a.k.a Feckwebednithber) is Bartleby, the Scrivener.

Bartleby is the eponymous chracter in the Herman Melville short story. "Scrivener," was the occupational name for the men that used to copy out legal documents before the advent of carbon paper or Xerox. (For example, if you had just licensed the sale of $100,000 worth of goods on your behalf by a second party, you would want both that second party and yourself to have accurate copies of the licensing contract.) Bartleby works in a Wall Street law firm--a fate dreadful to behold, and one which I have studiously avoided. And he would prefer not. Or rather, his anser to everything is that he "would prefer not." He shuts down a Wall Street house with those simple words, he cries the cry of the oppressed and the put upon office worker with his comically simple and comically reasonable statement. There's more to be said. That's why I provided the link above. It's a short story. Literally. So read it.

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Are they drinking Victory Gin?

I think that comparing government actions--any actions of any government--to George Orwell's 1984 is cliche and lazy. And the adjective "Orwellian" is so overused as to be almost meaningless. When people use Orwell metaphors and analogies my reaction is often, if not always, along the lines of, "Way to go, you read exactly one political book (or more likely saw the movie, or even more likely have absorbed the basic outline of the plot through cultural osmosis), I now think that you are smart and will respect your soon-to-follow analysis as though you were a serious thinker and not just someone who reads the local alt-weekly newspaper...douche."

But here's the thing. The current administration is so sophmorically--even cartoonishly--shitty that hackneyed phrases are in fact perfectly apt. (I like that phrase, "in fact perfectly apt," it sounds so sharp, say it out loud...There you go, nice huh?)

Ken Mehlman, the chairman of the Republican National Committee, said on NBC this last Sunday that no Republican advocates "staying the course" in Iraq, but rather that the Republican line has always been to adapt the strategy to changing circumstances. According to Mehlman no Republican has ever advocated "staying the course" as a strategy for the Middle East, that such a characterization is the work of people that are trying to undermine the Republican plan for adaptive and successful Iraq policy.

Mehlman (8/13/06): "But look, we’re not coming in and saying 'Stay the course.' The choice in this election is not between 'Stay the course' and 'Cut and run,' it’s between 'Win by adapting' and 'Cut and run.'"

Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, R-TN (7/27/06): "We're for staying the course in Iraq and the war on terror."

So why all the stuff about Orwell and 1984? Because, dear reader, Oceania has always been at war with Eastasia.

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Maman died today...

Apparently we are to believe that President bush read Albert Camus' The Stranger over his vacation. Which I don't. But I'm willing to take the leap of faith for the sake of argument. this leads to question of why he read it. It's so...out of character. Possibilities include: 1) Remorseless Arab-killing drives the plot--which he has in common with the protagonist; 2) He had no idea what he was picking up, I mean it kinda sounds like it might be a western; 3) Bush has confronted the essential futility of his search for meaning in an absurd universe and has decided to forgoe the conventions of the mass of desperate men and live only true to his own central conceit without regard for the false notions of religion or society. Yeah, I don't think it's the last one either. Thoughts?

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Keeping space in check.

Astronomers are meeting in Prague to decide how to classify planets:

Alternatively, Pluto's status as the ninth planet could also be in danger if the experts decide it no longer makes the grade.

"It could mean the number of planets leaps to 20 or more, or it drops to eight. But I think most people would prefer not to drop Pluto altogether," Mr Bond told the BBC News website.

I think that whatever the number, the US military needs to establish bases on these planets and claim them for America in order to check the advance of Saturnofascism. Remember, the Saturnofascists hate our freedom. They also hate our nitrogen-oxygen atmosphere and the carbon base of our physiology. But mostly the freedom.

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It's not the heat, it's the stupidity.

Me, I believe, to some extent, in the supernatural. I figure it adds a little spice to life, and what the hell it's fun too. But, I'm down with Darwin as well. Ol' Chaz was a fascinating man, and he did have the single best idea ever. Hell, I'm a member of his posse:


So this is really shitty to see:



It's not so much the second-to-last-place position of the US, but that only 40% of Americans believe in the single most certain thing biology has come up with since "We all die." And don't let's tut-tut, The Netherlands is barely pulling 70% and Darwin's homeland isn't much better. You're telling me 30% of the Dutch aren't sure about evolution? That's just ignorant. They don't even have the crazy-Christian excuse over there.
Now want to be really sad? Here you go: "American Protestantism is more fundamentalist than anybody except perhaps the Islamic fundamentalist, which is why Turkey and we are so close," said study co-author Jon Miller of Michigan State University. He's right, too.

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[Sigh]

President Bush:
"You know, I hear people say, Well, civil war this, civil war that. The Iraqi people decided against civil war when they went to the ballot box. And a unity government is working to respond to the will of the people. And, frankly, it’s quite a remarkable achievement on the political front."

The president's premise here appears to be that the democratic election of a federal government in Iraq in proof positive of the Iraqi rejection of impending civil strife. I propose a counter example. I don't mean to analogize the actual historical circumstances, but merely to do away with the President's--frankly--absurd premise.

Most recent Iraqi legislative election: December 15, 2005
Time till present: 7 months 24 days

Federal Election that brought Lincoln and Republicans to power: November 6, 1860
Secession of South Carolina: December 24, 1860
Outbreak of American Civil War: April 12, 1861
Total Time: 5 months 6 days

Is it then possible that the precipitating events of a Civil War in Iraq have already begun? I think it is definitely possible, even probable. So do these dudes.

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Moral Philosophy Thru Technology

I took this quiz to identify which moral philosophers had my back.
The results:

#1 Kant
#2 Stoics
#3 Jean-Paul Sartre
#4 Spinoza
#5 Aquinas

Though I probably got it all second hand as:

#1 Hegel
#2 Cicero and Virgil
#3 Camus
#4 Einstein and Darwin
#5 Catholic informed readings of Aristotle (over and over again)

Yeah, sounds about right.

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